my diploma

The law school finally broke down and mailed me my diploma. I found it inside of my door when I went out to look for any snail mail. I was supposed to go down to the school and pick up the diploma in person. I did not do so, obviously. Why? Well, picking up the diploma meant:

1. Going to graduation, a fate worse than death (oh wait, they didn’t give us our real diplomas there. my bad)
2. Driving downtown (I would not fight downtown traffic and pay to park just for my diploma)
3. Taking the bus downtown (a 45-minute one-way trip that costs $1.50 each way)

Being someone who won’t go downtown unless I absolutely have to do so, I did not pick up my diploma. Plus, I would have had to STORE the darn thing somewhere and protect it from getting bent and ruined. I already have my huge legal license to store. I didn’t need another big document to store and keep safe.

But today — there it was. My diploma. And thus, I guess, closed that chapter of my life — law school. It closed with a minor triumph, I suppose — in the end, I didn’t have to go into downtown to pick it up. (A triumph of laziness I suppose. But I have so few victories I’m taking what I can get.)

(It ended up costing the law school $1.59 in postage to mail my diploma. So it was cheaper in the end for society for the law school to mail it to me as it would have cost me at least $3 and 90 minutes of time to go get the darned thing. See I am a lawyer, I can even make an argument to justify my own laziness in not wanting to go pick up my darned diploma). Anyway, the diploma is ok. Its big. It probably was run through a laser printer. Its gray and green which are the main University’s colors. It is slightly more impressive that my college diploma (which is not saying much). I give it three and a half trolls out of ten.I’m sure my family will want to oohhh and ahhh over it, though.

new lawyer training

New Lawyer Training: A Mind Numbing Experience. That’s what they should have called this seminar. Eeep.

Most of the speakers were not bad; I’m sure they all did their best and some were good. In fact, one of them (an actual MD who did a presentation about the insantity defense) was really and genuinely interesting. (That’s saying something; he was the speaker right before lunch when we were all hungry) The substantive law sections we did today weren’t bad either. But generally the ethics / professional responsibility part of the CLE was mind numbing and I think a lot of people were just bored. I mean, if you went to my law school, you passed Professional Responsibility; we passed the bar (which had an ethics question); we all passed the MPRE. In fact, because we passed the MPRE, we probably are more up to date on the Model Rules Ohio is likely switching to (we currently are one of five or so states with the older Model Code) than older lawyers are. Anyway, it seemed like almost all of it could be summed up simply as: “Be good. For the love of God, please please be good and bring honor upon the profession.” In the end, people who care are going to do their very best to be professionals who bring honor upon the legal profession. And in the end people who don’t care aren’t. No amount of prostelytizing is going to change that. If the message of be professional and be good and don’t steal from your clients hadn’t penetrated into your head before Friday, I really doubt that new lawyer training was going to do much good.

Ehhhh …. I’m just complaining. Make me sit through 9 hours of anything and I’ll be whiney about it. OK, except for maybe a seminar on A.P. Hill or the Civil War (but even then, you’re pushing my notoriously short attendence span — I blame TV).

A lot of the seminar seemed designed more for new lawyers starting out on their own. Which seemed odd because it didn’t seem like very many of us were actually doing that. Most seemed like they worked for firms or planned to try and find a job in firms. Oh — and I felt better to learn that I’m not the only one still looking for a job. I was starting to think just no one liked me. :)

I also have to say, it was weird being at new lawyer training. Coming back to the law school and no longer being a student. It was all very odd. I should have picked up my diploma. I forgot.

It snowed like crazy yesterday. I think we got a good four or five inches on the west-side while I was sequestered in new lawyer training from 8:30 until 5:15 (yeah, they let us go early because of the snow). Getting home was kind of a mess. I didn’t actually get home until 6:15. Usually takes about 20-25 minutes.

Ran yesterday morning at 5:40 and today at 6:30. Both good runs, today’s was better. There was ice and slush on the roads and some snow, but since it was Saturday, I saw very few cars on the road. Wore my reflective bands and kept the tunes turned down pretty low. Wore my “safety orange” Enduros. Went fine. It was just starting to get light when I got home.

Been running for the last couple days with my new heart rate monitor. I think it was a good thing to spend my gift certificate on. Though it keeps telling me my heart rate on my runs maxes at 236 or 240 (!!!!). Obviously, something is off. The average seems right though, so I’m working off of that. I need to find my actual max. I sure as heck hope its not actually 236 or 240 hahahahaha. If it is something is really wrong! (It should be somewhere AROUND 195 … that’s what 220-age would be).

Plans for tomorrow: sleep in a little, go running (more snow expected over night happy happy joy joy not). Eat. Uh. That may be it. Work on my website perhaps. Guess we’ll see.

why I went to law school

The reason I went to law school was simply because I could not find a job with my degree. The economy in 2002 was in shambles. I urge you not to go to law school for that reason.

If you go to law school, you should go because you have thought it over carefully and you love the law. When you go to law school, you enter into a marriage with the law. If you go with your eyes open and with a passion and love for the law in your heart, then you should do ok. It will not be easy – law school is not an easy path to take – but you should be able to weather the tough times and become stronger for it. My marriage with the law began on the wrong foot … and because of that, I ended up staring into an abyss and having the abyss stare right back and through – almost consuming — me.

I had always sort of entertained the idea of law school – after all, I did like government and history and political science and all of those things were related at least tangentially to law – but, I never felt a deep passion for studying law or for becoming a lawyer. To me, it was just a vocation, like being a firefighter or a factory worker or a pharmacist. Something to do, something that paid well. But it was history and the Civil War excited me. Law … was boring, dry. My college professors urged me not to go, to go to graduate school instead. But I was consumed with being practical. The job outlook was far better for lawyers than for history majors. At least if I took out loans to pay for law school, I could someday pay them back … I wasn’t so sure about grad school in history.

So, I didn’t really want to go to law school for any reason other than I needed something to do and it seemed practical. But, I dreaded it. I had heard bad things about law school. The Socratic method. The work load of dry materials. The hours it would consume. (And, I had never even read 1L or seen the Paper Chase!) Because I didn’t really want to go, I spent the summer between college and law school browsing the classified ads in the paper, secretly hoping something better would pop up and give me an excuse not to go. Of course, the paper gave birth to no great job for a history major and Civil War buff. I resigned myself to try law school, comforting myself with the idea that maybe I could make good money as a lawyer and then, someday, I could pursue my passion for history.

So the law and I definitely got off on the wrong foot.
I dutifully went off to law school when orientation came. The material was dry and boring, but I seemed to do ok with it. Still, law school seemed foreign and I was certain everyone was much smarter than me. I felt inadequate, tormented, and dumb. I resented some of my classmates for seeming so smart … particularly the ones who were so smug. Even making friends among my classmates didn’t relieve the terrible feelings of self-doubt. I never raised my hand. Although I felt inadequater, I usually did the bare minimum as far as reading, briefing, and assigments, resenting the time commitment demanded by the law. I perpetually rode a wave of liking the law at times and being interested in the material to being wiped out and feeling intellectually unstimulated, bored, and terribly apathetic. In the back of my mind, I was always planning my escape, what I would do when – not if — I flunked out.

Fall exams came. My grades were surprisingly quite good, with one exception. Considering my apathy, you would not think I would care. But I did. What was wrong with me? Did I actually want to excel here? If so, why? Self-doubt began to torment me again. Grading seemed so … random. And, I had worked so hard actually studying for finals … and this was all there was to show for it? I hated my school … hated it for its curve, for its odd class schedule, for being a windowless, ugly tomb. Most of the second semester I was completely apathetic and by turns glum and ludicrious. Mostly, I neglected the law. Although I would do the bare minium – if for no other reason than pride and not wanting to look like an idiot if I got called on in class – I spent most of my time goofing off with my website or buying stuff online and surfing ebay. I didn’t try to find a summer job. I tried to calculate how I could escape from law school … how I could still find a job and escape from the snares of student loans.

I could not forumlate a good plan. I didn’t flunk out as a 2L. My grades were good enough to put me in the top 1/3 of the class – not bad. But, I still didn’t feel any love for the law. The marriage between me and the law had a very rocky first year.

My 1L year was the worst year of my life.

I couldn’t deal with another year like that. I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror. I felt tired, glum, apathetic, and disgusted with both myself and the law. It was time to think. A lot of self-reflection left me concluding that I didn’t want to be defeated by law school. I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and determined that, having picked this course, I needed to do my best or not be able to look at myself in the eye in the mirror.

So I decided I would need to become friends with the law. Even if it killed us both.

I started to run again, something I had given up before my 1L year, and I felt better. I observed in a judge’s chambers in municipal court for a month. I mostly enjoyed a break from the law. I think the separation helped heal some of the bad feelings. Slowly over the long course of the summer, I started to get interested in law.

Goaded by self-doubt and my new “interest” in law, I decided to try the summer writing competition for law review. The law review at my school is the top 10% of the class and a few write-on members. I’ve been told I’m a decent writer. And I was not THAT far off the top 10% (it wasn’t like I was last in my class or anything). And, scholarly work interested me. So why not try? If nothing else, law review would give a little bit of presitige to my resume and maybe open some doors. I plunked down the money and purachsed the huge packet – it was to be a closed universe assigment so there was no outside research involved. The assigment was to write a case comment on Newdow – that’s the case that came out of the 9th circuit challenging the consitutionality of the Pledge of Allegiance. It was actually interesting. I waded right in and managed to write what I thought was a decent case comment. I turned it in and hoped for the best, mostly expecting to be turned down. But, lo and behold, the law review chose me.

I went back to school still with some self-doubt, but it has gradually faded. I liked my 2L courses much better than my 1L courses. I don’t dread going to school like I did when I was a 1L. I even occasionally raise my hand in class. I feel a little more confident in my abilities and more comfortable. Most importantly, I can look myself in the eye.

The law and me … we’re now good friends. There’s still no love there – I’m sure that’s partly because of sore feelings from 1L year – but it’s possible some day there may be a little love between the law and me.