that long?

I started digging through my old blog journal entries that I had saved to a CD. I actually started to keep a blog in August 2004 — right before I started my third year of law school. I am still looking for the posts I wrote while studying for the bar exam. I have a gap right now between May 2005 and roughly August 2005.

(I forgot I was obsessed with drinking diet pepsi in law school my third year. It was the only way I could stay awake during Administrative Law. Admin is not a course that should be taken during one’s third year of law school, especially not during the 2d semester)

Digging through the old journal entries, I found notations in March 2005 about “my wisdom teeth hurting” and about “night sweats.” I never had the drenching sweats that consitute a Hodgkin’s Disease “B” symptom, but for at least two years I had on-and-off light sweating at night. Also, what I used to think was my wisdom teeth, I now am pretty sure was actually Hodgkin’s waxing and waning. I am beginning to think I may have had the first Hodgkin’s Disease symptoms as early as March 2005 — while still a law student. I made a notation to tell my doctor — not that its all THAT important, but maybe for curiosity sake, he’d like to know.*

—

* In truth I don’t think I’ll ever know how long I actually had Hodgkin’s before I finally was diagnosed. I do find following the “symptom trail” interesting, however.

its Hodgkins

Lumpy is Hodgkin’s Disease.

If you have to have cancer, Hodgkin’s is the one to have. It is very curable. Even at the worst stages.  Way better than the proposed liver tumor.

In a way, I am relieved. Of course, no one wants cancer. But I was so relieved it wasn’t something terrible. Not that Hodgkin’s Disease isn’t terrible. But in the realm of possibilities, Hodgkin’s is not that bad.

Thanks to everyone who has commented. I appreciate it. I haven’t been able to respond individually to most of you, but I do appreciate it.

If you want to contact me personally: jgoellnitz {@} gmail.com.

the biopsy of Lumpy

“Lumpy,” my giant abdominal mass, got biopsied today.

The best part was the Cleveland Clinic’s radiology department has a huge fish tank full of really cool cichlids. I think they were African cichilds, but I am not sure. There were a couple that were really cool — white fish covered in dark spots. Dalmatian fish.

The procedure wasn’t too bad. Basically they stuck in an IV (probably the worst part given my history of trouble with IVs), then I sat around and waited a long time. It was much like the army. You know, hurry up, then wait forever. After that, I went into a room with an ultrasound machine. The resident explained the procedure, I got some drugs, they ultrasounded Lumpy, and did three core biopsies. The biopsies weren’t too bad — to be totally honest, I still think the CT scan IV fiasco was worse.

(Actually the very worst part was I was kind of car sick both on the ride over and especially on the ride home. I didn’t actually get sick but my head hurt and I kept sweating.)

The drugs were supposed to knock me out, but didn’t. I was wide awake the whole time and remember everything. I think this may have been because I was so stressed. The whole time, my blood pressure was higher than Old Man Trimble’s at Gettysburg. (OK, so maybe not quite THAT high. At least I didn’t tell the doctor to give me one damned brigade and I would take his ultrasound machine.)

It will take awhile — at least a few days — to get Lumpy’s results.

In the meantime, I am working on my A.P. Hill site a little, going to work, and trying to stay sane. And hoping this darned Cleveland cold snap will break. I am hoping a few days off to let Lumpy heal (i.e. so I don’t bleed everywhere) will also allow that annoying tendon on the outside of my left knee to heal as well.

whats wrong with me?!?

What is wrong with me?!? I cannot decide if I’m a paranoid hypochondriac or if something is really wrong with me. Not having good health insurance, I can’t really put my mind at ease and find out either.

I don’t sleep well and I’m tired a lot. If I press on my stomach to the left of my naval, there is a hard area — there is no matching hard area on the right-hand side. Despite running a lot, my times have slowed drastically — I can run long it seems but fast — ha! I seem to get winded too easily for someone who runs as much as I do. I constantly get stitches when I run on both the left AND right sides.
Ever since one of my wisdom teeth got infected in November/December, nothing has gone right. My ear got messed up with the vestibular neurnoitis. At least THAT seems to have improved.
I really don’t know if I’m paranoid or if something is really wrong with me. I could be somewhat overtrained — haven’t had a day off from running since summer. Or, there could be nothing really wrong. Or perhaps this is left over post-wisdom teeth infection …

I don’t know but I really wish I could find out without breaking the bank.